Rural Montana

 The phone rings, there is a slight silent delay followed by, "Hello, this is JoHanna with One Call, how can I help you?"

The provider on the other end of the line lets out a heavy sigh and starts the conversation. "I need to transfer a patient to you." The One Call transfer nurse can hear the concern in their voice, holds her calm and starts gathering information, piece by piece to see how to best direct this call. "Name and date of birth of your patient please." As the date of birth is given, the transfer nurse internally sinks and thinks, "they are so young." The provider then gives a brief diagnosis and that this transfer is emergent. The transfer nurse keeps calm and gathers the correct admitting provider on the line for provider-to-provider report. The transfer nurse mutes her side of the line and starts to transpose as fast as the providers are speaking. She hears the concern in the voice of the sending provider, she hears the lab results, she hears about the images that were taken, and the condition of the patient. She hears the candidness of the providers, sharing real, no BS thoughts and off the record remarks. She feels for the sending provider doing their best to get that patient to a higher level of care in a timely manner for the best outcome for that patient. She hears the urgent tone in the receiving provider to have a team ready to receive and intervene as soon as the patient arrives. She hears the flight team gathering information, the weight of the patient and if a family member will be flying with them and in the background of that phone call, she hears the radio going off, flight is in high demand today. Reports have been given.

Everyone that needs to know, knows and the plan is in place to retrieve the patient and get them to a higher level of care. Good-byes are said the lines click off one by one. Just as the transfer nurse puts the finishing notes in the transfer chart, sends out an alert to all parties and hits "complete request" the phone rings again.  Pulling herself together,  she answers: "Hello, this is JoHanna with One Call, how can I help you?" As the provider on the other end starts talking, the transfer nurse hears the helicopter taking off and she silently prays, 'Lord, go before the flight team and medical staff, protect them and be with the patient and their family, may Your will be done'. "...and whom am I speaking with..."

From Behind the Lines

 

Lord. My heart is heavy and I desire to be used for Your glory. 

These days are full of confusion, fear, information and misinformation. There are facts floating around and there are political goals attempting to be made fact.  There are statistics being skewed to create a certain view or response from people. There is a V that seems to be the sole cause of all of this chaos.

Mask or not mask? Get the inoculation or not get it? Is this V really this bad? Why don’t people just do this or that? There is division in families, work places, churches, communities, etc.  So many say they are confused or scared and just want the facts. Who does one trust these days?! Who has the best interest of the people, for me? All great questions.

I have prayed for clarity. I have prayed for peace of mind and protection from being blinded by one side or the other.  I have prayed for humility.  It is not an accident You have me as a nurse in these days.  I have even asked You, O Lord.  Why now? And I don’t get very far.  Your word resounds in my heart and mind, I was made for such a time as this. Just as Esther. Abraham. Issac. Moses. Ruth. Naomi. Etc. I was just sharing the other day with my husband how I know the Lord placed me in nursing at this time to be educated and pay attention to what is happening because I don’t think I would be questioning things like I am.  And questioning things is a good thing.  That is how a person learns and grows. The things I see in the hospital don’t exactly line up with the media and what is said and shown.

It is easy for me to get overwhelmed by ALL that is happening in the world and in the United States.  And quite frankly, ALL of it is out of my hand.  Therefore, I work daily not to worry about it.  Stay informed yes, worry no.  When I drive to work, I observe that nothing appears to be out of the norm. People are in their cars, listening to their booming stereos, or talking on their phones or reaching to monkey with the kids in the back seat.  All seems to be in working order. Yet, discussions with people, or overhearing discussions with people or even the looks people share when out in public, along with any media you turn on, states otherwise.  There is chaos. So, I ask the Lord, what is my role in all of this.  I desire people to change, people to unite, people to understand the bigger picture and to do right for the sake of others, yet I cannot change the world, the United States, the state of Montana or the City of Billings.  But the Lord gently reminds my heart, I can help those in my sphere. My family, my friends, co-workers, patients and their families, my home church, etc.  There are people I can pour into. People we can have a discussion with to stay informed.  Share facts and information beside what the mainstream media is telling us.

There are many questions running through my head.  As numbers continue to rise (per the media) in regards to cases of C+ patients, and increased number in the ICU, I a a bit perturbed by them stating the Vaxxed vs the unvaxxed.  There is SO much information left out of these statistics listed. And, no where do I see the numbers listed of the increase in patients, in the hospitals with complications from the V?! I have been keeping a tally of patients I have cared for as well as other nurses on my unit, that have cared for patients with “unexplained medical complications”. That is the note multiple physicians and medical providers have typed in the medical notes for patients. Where are the statistics for the patients that have an unexplained kidney injury?  Or many unexplained GI bleeds? Or the significant increase in cellulitis cases of extremities, leading to amputation and/or death? How about the nervous system disorders patients and their care givers are noticing taking place after the V? Where and who is following the increase in lack of healing from a typical knee or ankle revision/repair, due to vascular complications? Or how about the cancer patient that was in remission for years, yet after he received the inoculation, he lived only a week? How are the deaths of these people, whom have received the inoculation, not noticed by the medical field?  How are there not more questions raised as to the increase in these cases?  Why aren’t we looking a little closer at the connection instead of only worrying about the number of increase C cases? And making sure public see the V versus the unV’d people.  NO where have I seen the numbers being broadcasted regarding the VERY sick and dying, whom have had the V!!!  Just the other day, the unit I am on had over 80% people with the V!!  These people are hospitalized! And they are filling not just the unit I am on, but having to be transferred to higher levels of care because their organs are shutting down. I feel like a massacre is happening in the hospital from this V and no one seems to notice.  Their eyes are fixed on only C+ patients.  

Just like the actual virus itself, not everyone reacts the same to the inoculation either. Yet, I am concerned with how mandates are coming.  This should remain a choice of the people, without guilty others, whether they choose it or not. 

I am tired of the argument: its just like every other vaccine.  Um, no other vaccine has been pushed down the throats of the people like this one has.  That fact alone should cause one to pause. The fact so many report adverse events have been reported, yet it has not been pulled, is concerning as well.  In the past, when there been 50 adverse events, the drug was pulled and revisited before mass production and administration. This is not the case. VAERS reports (as of Sept 13, 2021) 7,653 deaths.  DEATHS. That number doesn’t include other adverse events. (Go check the website out for yourself).  Yet, hospitals continue to push the V. Yet, they aren’t looking at the population of the V people in their facility, struggling with health.

C is real.  Yet, there are also ways to prevent getting it.  Eating healthy. The vitamins and nutrients one needs to boost their immune system is found in fruits and veggies. Doctors have shown if your Vitamin D levels are greater than 120, one is almost immune to getting C. Because your cells are healthy and ready to fight off these bugs.  Also, early treatment with Ivermectin.  EARLY treatment. Ivermectin, although laughed at by many, has proven to enter the body, search out cells, open the cell and administer zinc straight to the nasty bug, reducing the sickness and length of sickness. Yet, hospitals are refusing to use it.  What if.  Just play the what if game.  Just like some want to play the what if game with the V.  Why wouldn’t you be willing to play that game with Ivermectin?  Ivermectin has been around a whole lot longer and has been found effective and safe. Not to mention it is reasonably priced.  Why aren’t medical facilities pushing for health and prevention, as well as this early treatment, instead of pushing a V that doesn’t seem to be as effective as once thought?

So, when people throw around, “Just get the V, its like all the others”, I have a hard time with that due to the amount of sick, sick patients I am taking care of whom have had the V.  What you surround yourself with or listen to, will be how to view the rest of the world. There are always more than one side to the story and I enjoy hearing both sides.

So much more going on in my head and when I get it on paper, I will share. Until then, I continue to pray to be used for God’s glory and share information and God's hope to others.

Perspective Change: Burden vs. Blessing

The Lord is in the business of changing hearts and lives and I am blessed to be one of them. 

I have struggled with my weight most of my life and my perspective has been "What a burden that I struggle with my weight. I know other people have different battles, but this one is ugly, everyone can see my battle and why do I continue to battle with it?" Yet, once again, I am in a Bible study discussing the freedom there is in Christ, in all areas of life, especially food, when we allow God the ability to do so, giving over this area of life. Things I know, yet obviously needing to be reminded of them again. The ladies God has put around me are blessing me richly with their honesty, their hearts desire to be free from the bondage of food, to live in physical freedom, and be healthy, available to do even more for the Lord! As I was having extended quiet time with the Lord, He revealed an "ah-ha" moment. Let me share.

As a believer, scripture reveals many truths about our bodies; they are not our own, they are a temple of the Holy Spirit, honor God with them, etc. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20; ) There are also many passages using food as examples/parables. For example, the fruit of the Spirit; turning water into wine; give the Lord our first fruits; planting, sowing, reaping; He is the bread of life; and "whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God". (1 Corinthians 10:31; Galatians 5:22-23; ) Yet, how very interesting the sacraments to remember what God did with his Son for us to be forgiven, are juice/wine and bread. Food. How interesting to think that He used food, a physically sustaining element of life, as the image/tool to reflect the greater, spiritual life sustaining act of the death, burial and resurrection of Christ!! Is this an accident?  Aren't we suppose to be free from the bondage of food and yet here, in taking communion we indulge in food? How ironic. Of course communion is not an over indulging of food or beverage, but the Lord revealed something even more personal to me.

I have been looking at my life long battle of overeating as a burden (and yes, it is still a sin to be a glutton) however, the Lord says, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life", basically the Sustainer of me.  And instead of looking at this battle as unfortunate, the Lord has asked me to look at it as a blessing. Really? A blessing?  YES!

 In a tender way, the Lord said, "Daughter, this is My battle too, I fight it with you. Think of how I continue to reveal Myself to you.  You continuously come back to Me, acknowledging you cannot do this on your own.  You continuously cry to Me to be your Sustainer, your Helper, to bring your focus back to Me.  You ask to be free of this burden of over eating. I hear you. I am with you every step of the way, but this is what I have chosen to give you to fight. Why? Because daughter, it brings us closer together. You know food is essential to physically sustain you and you also know, because of that, how much MORE I, your Lord, sustains you as your Spiritual food. You, child of mine, can overcome this, but I am choosing this as your battle to keep you close to Me, that you would realize over and over again I am your everything. You have to carefully consider what you put in your mouth more than others because I want you to ponder what is of value physically and more importantly, spiritually.  Some people may just put whatever they want in their mouth, 'it is permissible, but not everything is beneficial" (1 Corinthians 6:12) It may not appear other people's bodies reflect the poor choices they put in their mouth, but I want you to focus carefully on what you put in, to what you will get as the outcome. It might not seem fair, but you, precious child of mine, are growing closer to Me, your Heavenly Father, your Savior, because of this so called, 'burden'. So, daughter of Me, the King of all kings, lift your weary head, gaze into My eyes, see that this 'burden' is a blessing. See the care in My eyes, see the closeness we have, see the scars that show I have already won your battle. Keep looking into my strong, deep eyes, hold this gaze a little longer as you see how deeply I love you and know your hardest moments, know I am aware of the smallest, tiniest hurt you wear. As I take hold of your hand and with My other hand gently wipe your tear marked with guilt & shame & heaviness, know that I am the strength of your heart and your portion forever. (Psalm 73:26) Know that I have turned your mourning into dancing and loosed your sackcloth, clothing you in gladness so that you, my sweet daughter, can sing praise and give thanks to ME forever. (Psalm 30: 11&12) I am the Lord your God and I love you so much, I want your attention in this area of your life. You are doing well, continue to find your strength in Me, continue to fill up in Me. We have this, together!"

As the Lord revealed this to me, my shoulders felt lighter.  I eat differently. I am not weighted down of  always 'failing' in this area. The heart change of seeing this as a blessing has changed my minds focus as well. I AM NOT A FAILURE. God simply wants me to refocus on why I put anything in my mouth in the first place, to fuel and build up, not to over-indulge or self medicate. When I choose the better option, I am successful and through each choice, the Lord is with me.  He blesses me because I am turning more to Him, so in the end, there will be less of me.

*Bible study mentioned: Keeton, A. (2017). The wellness revelation: Lose what weighs you down so you can love God, yourself, and others. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale Momentum.

Social Distancing Church Service

April 26, 2020

Today I sit in the sanctuary of my home church that usually seats around 300/400 people.  Today is different. There are chairs for about 90 people, spaced in groups, six feet apart. Some groups of chairs of 2, 4, 6, 7, and even single chairs standing alone, distanced six feet from the next group of chairs. Today is the first day our church has opened its doors since the ‘shelter in place’ order was put in effect on March 28^th. 

We’ve been having online services and Travis and I have been worshiping from home.  It has been different yet, I am thankful the church body is not defined by a building. The body of Christ remains strong, amidst this season and worship online has been a blessing.

Today Travis and I were very early.  Travis had been asked to serve, seating and directing people upon entering the sanctuary, so I was blessed to come with and had time to worship the Lord before the service started. As I sat in the far back corner of the sanctuary, observing this large room, I opened God’s word and read Psalm 46 as this scripture had been flashing on the screens at the front.  I also reflected on the how the world around me has changed in the last three months.  I continued to look around at the extremely empty sanctuary and reflected how blessed I am. My eyes got misty as I looked around and my eyes didn’t see the families interacting with one another.  They didn’t see the little kids running to their babysitters or Sunday school teachers, excited to hug them.  My eyes didn’t see moms catching up with other moms, or men giving other men a solid slap on the shoulder followed by a handshake and smile. My eyes didn’t see the teenagers grouped together. Nor did my eyes see the elderly enter the room holding their life long lover’s hand. My eyes were pulling at my heart strings as I looked around the almost empty sanctuary. My ears.  Oh, my ears were missing something too. My ears didn’t hear the constant buzz of conversations all around me or the sporadically loud laughter from the other side of the room. My ears didn’t hear heart felt laughter and giggling from young and old. My ears didn’t hear the ‘excuse me’ as people scooted by to sit down the row from me.  My ears. Instead my eyes and ears saw and heard few people. Some isolated within the large room, sitting in the solo chair six feet from anyone. I saw masks covering smiles and faces, my ears heard muffled voices. It looked, sounded and felt so different.  

Don’t get me wrong.  It was an absolute blessing to be sitting in this room where many have heard the Gospel message over the years and to be one of the few able to worship together.  The numbers have been limited, to ensure the social distancing policy is kept in place.  This is wise.  Yet, this is odd. My heart was beyond blessed and my ears now heard Pastor Rick start to warm up at the piano, my ears did hear those few voices, muffled by the masks and my eyes were thankful to see the few friendly faces that were present. It was a good thing.

As I read through Psalm 46 (which has MANY great verses) the ones that stood out to me were:

            1) “God is our refuge and strength,

a helper who is always found in times of trouble.”

2) “Therefore, do NOT be afraid…”

Skip to

8) “Come, see the works of the Lord,

Who brings devastation on the earth.”

9) “He makes wars cease throughout the earth…”

10) “Stop your fighting, and KNOW that I am God,

exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth.”

This passage starts with ‘GOD is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always, ALWAYS found in times of trouble’. What a promise.  He continues with, ‘Therefore (because He is our refuge and strength) do NOT be afraid’. Again, what a promise. The passage continues with God’s greatness. Then, we get to verse eight and it says ‘Come, see the works of the Lord, who brings devastation on the earth’.  Look!  Come, look!  God brings devastation to the earth, come look!! Again, this is truth, God has and is going to bring devastation.  But that isn’t the end of the news.  ‘He makes wars cease.’ Yes, He does. Even though He brings the devastation, He makes the devastation stop.  He asks us in verse 10, to also stop.  Stop and KNOW I am God. And not just to KNOW I am God, know I am exalted among the nations and the all the earth.  I AM GOD. Verse eleven says: “The Lord of Armies is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold.” He starts Chapter 46 of Psalms with the promise God is our refuge and strength, a Helper who is ALWAYS found in times of trouble.  He then says he will bring this trouble, this devastation, but He continues to say He will make it cease, He will be exalted and ends it with, I AM YOUR STRONGHOLD. Wow! Take comfort in who He is and what He does!

So, as Travis joined me, in the back corner, where two chairs had been placed, six feet from anyone else, and the service began, my heart missed the family of God I am used to worshiping with. Yet, there was a revival in my heart of Who we serve and worship. None of this is a surprise to the Lord and He remains in control of every single detail. 

Every. Single. Detail. 

Even though worship looked different, the God whom we serve is not different. He is still in control.  He is on the throne. Yesterday, today, and forever. Whew, that is a promise!

(the sanctuary from my corner)

Covid-19

April 8, 2020

These days work has been interesting.  I never know what I will walk into.  Mostly we have been staffed appropriately because we have stopped the elective surgeries in order to prepare for what we might need the beds for as well as to protect patients that don’t need to be in the hospital, which could potentially expose them to this virus.

April 8th: the new protocol put in place last week was to wear a surgical mask at all times while in the hospital as well as get ‘screened’ upon entrance of the building. The screening process is as follows: People with scanners, scan our name badge, take our temperature and ask if we have any new respiratory symptoms.  For the most part this is a streamline process that only takes a moment.  There have only been a handful of days I have had to wait in a line for this process. Today was no different. I waved at Travis through the window signing “I love you” as he drove away. He drops me off when he can and we enjoy the extra moments we have together in the morning and evening. Anyway, there were a couple people in front of me and soon I was on my way up to my unit, Orthopedic/Neuroscience. Today I had three patients which is a wonderful feeling from having four or five on day shift.  We were fully staffed, even with CNAs. The day progressed nicely until about one.  Prior to one o’clock, I had one discharge and there were multiple other discharges on the floor as well, reducing our patient population meaning we would probably have to reduce our staff as well.  Yet, we needed to take a look at what the emergency room had in it in case we were to receive any of those ER patients to our unit.  There were three strokes, a spine injury and a couple limb pain which could turn into a break or a potential surgical patient. So, a possible 5-6 patients could be heading to our unit.  The charge nurse was stating to me how it would be so empty up here because we will have two nurses, a charge nurse and one CNA.  I looked at him and asked, “Have you looked at the emergency room lately? There are a number of very likely patients for us. Be careful how you staff.”  He blew it off as no big deal and repeated how it would be so empty with just two nurses, a charge nurse and one CNA. Sure enough, he sent home nurses and within a short 2 hours we went from slightly over staffed (with the discharges) to understaffed and stressed.  So unnecessary! (one nurse even said to me, “how was it I was on a fully staffed floor and ended up on this understaffed floor?” I responded with, “I know, right?!”) There was one CNA for the entire floor and the charge nurse’s response was, “well what has she been doing all day? She has complained since she got here this morning, she would like to go home.” In her defense I responded: “She has had admits back to back.” “Two in one hour is not bad.” I said, “yes, but my patient also came back from dialysis and my other patient is a one to one feed, all time-consuming patients”. (not to mention the additional patients on the unit that have to use the bathroom, meals ordered, vitals taken etc.) He seemed to calm down a bit, but that didn’t alleviate the understaffed situation we were in, unnecessarily. Then, of all things, one of the patients on the floor, through a great nurse assessing and educating a certain patient, this patient went from no isolation to complete FULL isolation of a Covid-19 rule out waiting to be placed on another floor in a negative air flow room. (another frustration of the day, the nurse that had this patient previously is one that does only the minimum, so it isn’t a surprise this wasn’t found out until a resource nurse arrived on the floor and took over her patients) WHAT?!  Again?  This happened again?! Another Covid patient on our unit, where we have the elderly and immune-compromised patients? Frustration! I praise the Lord, this patient wasn’t mine this time, and I KNOW the Lord worked out the details for a reason.  Yet, this is another part of how this day hit the gutter. I have put in two separate Safety Nets (a link where we as staff share about situations that arise that were unsafe, and a team reviews them and attempts to prevent the situation from arising again) And yet I have never heard back from the team, I just get an automated email that says CLOSED.  That doesn’t tell me if they are working on it or anything. And the fact these keep happening on our floor, which is Level 5, meaning we aren’t supposed to get Covid patients until way down the road is unnerving and frustrating.  We are not set up to take these patients, yet. 

So, as we are all running around attempting to do our best to get ready for shift change, understaffed and dealing with a Covid crisis my heart hurts.  I admit I want to hide in a corner.

As my heart was hurting, running about finishing my shift, I silently reflected on why I became a nurse in the first place. I knew I would have tough days.  I knew there would be unnerving situations.  I knew the potential danger I might be in.  Yet, my love for people and my desire to care for people in times of need is why I became a nurse.  I want to be the light of Jesus to these people in a dark place in their life.  This time is now.  Caring for patients today is no different than when I became a nurse.  So why was today so frustrating? Why did I feel like I wanted to turn in my two-week notice? Because people aren’t thinking about the ‘we’.  The charge nurse was excited to say we only had two nurses and a charge with one CNA.  He was too focused on how he would feel, sharing that with bed board.  He wasn’t looking out for the best interest of the unit. (Just the other day when he asked for updates regarding my patients, which he wants to know how many discharges I might have, I told him I had a potential discharge.  He looked at me and said, “well I haven’t heard that, so I am going to say none since I haven’t ever been able to say that at bed board.”  The thoughts in my head: Really?  You aren’t going to share information with bed board, just because you haven’t ever done that before? That is the wrong reason my friend. It’s not about you, its about the needs of the unit.) Ugh. Anyway, in addition, the lack of response from the safety net team seems they don’t care about the ‘we’ either.  Not communicating they are working on the issues brought before them. Do they even hear what we are saying? The masks they force people to put on at the door, with the studies showing the lack of protection to those who are healthy, appears the reason they have us wear them is so they (Billings Clinic) can cover their hides if one of us gets this virus.  They can say “we gave them protection”.  Well, this protection is the wrong kind to protect against the virus.  Surgical masks don’t keep this virus out. So, from the publics eye, this all looks good. Not from the inside.

So then, I get frustrated. Who has my back? The charge nurse is about looking good at bed board.  The facility I work for is about looking good to the public.  Management on my unit pops their head out of their office once in a while to say, “Keep up the good work” and then go back to their protected office. Even the emergency department is only, sometimes, asking the written questions without further investigation on a patient’s exposure to Covid. (There is a script that asks “if you have been out of the state in the last 30 days, and if you have been exposed to an infectious person”. Let’s be real and ask the direct question: “Have you been exposed to someone or potentially been exposed to someone with Covid-19?”) And so, patients are getting to our unit without the proper screening and then we don’t have the proper protection. I have had two of these patients. (another post) I remind myself frequently of WHO is in control.  I know NONE of this goes unnoticed by the Lord. He is in control.  He is watching, He is not surprised by any of this.  He is my Protector, Shield, Comforter, Shepherd, and Peace.  Which is encouraging and a wonderful promise.  That calms me down. As I press on in my day, tears brim my eyes and I hold them in.  “Pull it together, finish this shift strong,” I tell myself. God has given me the ability to care for my patients, to make it through one moment at a time. Press on. Report given to the oncoming nurses. Badge out.

Travis picks me up. It is so good to see his face. I go through the motions.  I take my face mask off and put it in a paper bag on the floor behind the passenger seat, place my lunch box and bag on the seat, climb in the front seat trying to touch as little as possible on our short drive home.  He asks about my day. I keep it short so the tears won’t fall just yet, turn to look out the window and ask about his day. He knows.  He senses I’m trying to hold it together. He answers the question and we finish the ride in silence.  Upon arrival at home, I go through my ritual again, leaving shoes outside, and leaving all scrubs, badges, etc. at the door.  As I do this, Travis tells me of a co-worker of his that has said to say thank you to me for being a nurse. The tears can’t be held back anymore, I whisper thank you and quickly head to the shower.  I just want him to hold me and to let the tears fall, but I can’t, not yet. I have to scrub hard to try to ensure I didn’t bring this virus home. As the water showered down on my face, the tears began to fall. So many tears with so many reasons.  Guilty tears: for wanting to give two weeks and be done with the nonsense of the hospital. Sad tears: that I actually feel this way. Angry tears: that leadership/management and this facility don’t respond to show WE, the staff are their best interest in decisions. Envious tears: that other people get to work from home. Understanding tears: This is the first pandemic for most people and they are doing the best they can, to their ability. Tears of confusion: why do I feel this way? I don’t even have the virus.  Grateful tears: for the protection I have from the Almighty God. Tears of comfort: knowing God is in control.  Tears of blessing: to have Travis as my husband for such a time as this. Fearful tears: what does the future hold, what is the outcome of this virus. Love tears: I get to love patients, Travis loves me and God loves me even more.  Many tears fall. Finally, Travis is able to hold me and when the timing is right asks, “do you want to talk about it”.  I nod. 

When I am able to hold the tears back I begin to share with Travis about my day and how frustrating it is to go to work.  How sad I am to have lost the desire to work because I feel the staff of the hospital are not being protected to the best of the facilities abilities. And then I hear myself.  I say, with tears and great conviction: “I am willing to give my life for people, in order they would see and know Jesus. That is part of why I wanted to be a nurse.  I am willing to put myself out there for others, BUT it sure gets hard to do this for foolish and stupid people.”  I stopped. The words. What I just said resonated in my head for a moment.  Those are the very people Jesus gave his life for.  The foolish and stupid.  Me. I was foolish and stupid until the Lord opened my eyes to my need for Him.  He has changed me.  Changed my heart.  I am now a new creation. I still make mistakes, yet I desire to be more reflective of Him.  Praying for wisdom and discernment. To not be stupid and foolish anymore. This week. Of all the weeks to be having this moment of frustration, tears and mixed emotions, was the week Jesus paid it all. Jesus didn’t go to the cross to die for those that already seem to ‘get it’ or ‘have understanding’. No, He went to the cross for the undeserving, the ones with wool over their eyes. He went to the cross for those who spit in His face, slapped His face, mocked Him and for even those that physically nailed his wrists and feet to the cross while speaking derogatory words to Him. Wow.

My tears turned to those of brokenness. Brokenness for the lost.  The very people I am surrounded with day in and day out at the hospital. How could I get frustrated with the blind? They can’t see.  God sent His Son to come, to die, to raise again, with the HOPE.  He has opened my eyes, I am no longer blind. And He has prepared me for such a time as this. The Light of Jesus fills me and I should be overflowing with my every word, action and deed.  How selfish of me to expect such great things from my co-workers and employer, especially during this season of Covid-19, the unknown. My tears turned to tears of grace.  I need to have more grace for those around me. I can still be frustrated with the current situation and things taking place that shouldn’t be, but I am responsible for me and my reaction and response.  How do I gear up to enter the hospital where so many things seem to be wrong these days?  How do I tangibly shine Jesus light to make a difference in the sphere in which the Lord has placed me? Filling up on God’s word, His truths, His promises, continuing to seek His wisdom, His discernment and guidance. Prayer.  Expressing all of these emotions and concerns to the Lord Himself.  He wants to hear from me.  He has placed each of my tears: the guilty, angry, envious, understanding, confused, grateful, comforting, fearful, blessed, loving, brokenness and grace tears in a jar.  He sees them.  He knows me.  He knows my heart.

For me this looks like: putting on the full armor of God daily, to be able to stand against the flaming arrows that come my way, continuing to be an advocate, using my voice for my unit by requesting the proper safety equipment and protocol to be in place.  To continue to care for all patients with love from the Lord.  To speak up with respect, love and kindness when needed.  God has placed me on this unit, at this time, for a reason. And similar to Esther, who was placed for such a time as this (4:14) I too, am placed here and now, for such a time as this. The tears will fall, but JOY comes in the morning.

Praise Report!!

“Another praise report…” what I was expecting to hear is not what came out of the other person’s mouth.  It was a ‘praise’ because something fell through and didn’t work out.  Initially I thought, wow…did he really mean ‘praise report’? 

Then it hit me.  YES!  It was a praise report!  We are called to praise HIM, the Lord Jesus Christ in the good and the bad.  In this particular instance and in any instance it is a praise!!  Because even if things don’t go the way we planned or even the way the Lord seemed to be taking it…it is STILL a praise!!!  Why?  Because the Lord works all things together for His good and HE knows better than we do, and if things didn’t go as planned, most likely He is protecting us from something or He has a better plan etc…and therefore we can truly and honestly say, “Praise the LORD”!  So, I was able to respond and say, “Yes, PRAISE THE LORD”!

So, are you praising the Lord for the unanswered prayer? Are you praising the Lord for redirection of something you thought was happening a certain way? Are you praising the Lord even in the valleys!?  My prayer is that you will!  I was reminded of the importance to praise the Lord in and through it all!

**Funny how it has been over a year since i posted and the last post was what it was...and to follow it with this one...God is good!  PRAISE HIM!! :)

Tears

I am an emotional basket case.  Yet the truth remains the same: GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME, ALL the time GOD is GOOD!  And as much as I want to throw myself a pity party, I can’t.  I am healthier than many, I have options to take care of this abdominal mass, and bottom line, it could be so much worse.  So for that, I am thankful to be where I am at.  I trust the Lord.  I just want answers faster, I want this mass dealt with and done. I, I, I...I am being pretty selfish.

My pastor’s wife has been battling brain cancer for over a year.  She has been very sick at times, in pain, fighting this fight hard and giving glory to the Lord through it.  A dear friend of mine, only 30 years, old passed away two short weeks ago...HIS family is mourning the loss of a dear son, brother, husband and friend.  WHAT do I really have to whine about?  Instead of crying tears of frustration for myself, wishing the waiting was over and this mass was removed.  I can’t cry for myself as much as I want to because of others close to be in GREATER pain and frustration.  I cry tears of gratefulness that my abdominal mass can be treated, can be removed and life for ME, should go back to normal fairly quickly.  NOT the case for Tami.  NOT the case for Paul’s family.  Tami lives day TO day.  She has been so thankful for this year she has been given, but no one really knows the Lord’s timing.  Paul’s family lived life to the fullest too.  Enjoying every moment they had with Paul, and yet now, all too soon he was called home to the Father and they are missing their son.  Life is ever changing. The Lord sends things into our lives for a reason, I fully believe that.  He doesn’t make mistakes.  His timing is PERFECT.  He is not surprised by these circumstances.  What He asks for is the glory.  That HE be praised in the tough moments and on the mountain tops. 

With that said, that is why I can’t throw myself a pit party.  That is why I can’t invite you to join my pity party.  Where is the glory for the Lord in that?  That puts the focus on me, which is the very thing I attempt to overcome...die to self, that I would whole heartedly follow Christ in all I am, in all I say, and ALL I do.  So, I praise the Lord for today. A day to give glory to HIM in everything.  I pray for my sister Tami fighting her fight gloriously. I pray for my dear siblings in Christ, as they mourn and celebrate the life of Paul. My heart hurts for both stories, because I can’t imagine their task...I can’t, but I can pray for them, love them, encourage them, support them and learn from them...because their lives and stories SHINE JESUS through and through.  They live that Christ would be known...and THAT is beautiful!

So today, my tears are mixed emotions, but bottom line these tears are tears of Joy, that the Lord is in control, and HE so tenderly holds EACH one of us in the palm of HIS hands!  i love HIM. i LOVE Him. I love Him.  I LOVE HIM!

WHOA ARE WE!! *Sarcastically said!*

After going back and forth with this blogger...another gal piped in and this is my response to these gals:

WHOA ARE WE!!!
Since when did any of us DESERVE or have a RIGHT to be married?! Where in scripture does it say we will get married and live happily ever after? Where does it say that we will have that ‘one’ special person in our life to share with until the Lord calls us home?! Where?!!?
I am tired of single people wallowing in their singleness, desiring what is on the other side of the fence. TRUE JOY and CONTENTMENT come in serving the Lord our God, Maker of heaven and earth!!! Seriously…our VERY existence, our very purpose for living is NOT for our own joy, (or marriage) it is to live to make HIM known! To point people to Jesus Christ, the Way, the Truth and the Life!!! For some people this is married, HALLELUJAH! For some people married WITH kids, HALLELUJAH!! For some people, married with NO kids, HALLELUJAH!!! For some people this is a longer season of singleness, HALLELUJAH, and for others, singleness until the Lord returns, and that should still cause for a HALLELUJAH!! Our purpose and desire of the heart should be TO be so in love with Christ, to desire to know Him MORE and MORE and MORE and MORE, and to make Him known through our actions, that however the Lord determines our future, we give Him praise for it! Don’t get me wrong. MY HEART HURTS, and many tears have fallen over still being single!! I want to be married!! And I was almost married!! Let me get a little personal with you: I was engaged to a man, and only a couple months from the actual day of getting married to the one I loved, cherished and knew so well, the Lord made it clear, this was not right. I can’t describe to you the battle that went on in my heart over this! ‘Get married…you can just push aside what the Lord desires…and you can push your way through this marriage, just buck up! You will at least have the American dream…a marriage!’ Those were my thoughts! Well, I battled with the Lord on this and my flesh SO desired to be married, SOOO bad!!! I almost went through with it! But let me tell you the reward came (NOT without great sorrow, hurt, and tears) when I submitted my heart to the LORD, and did what HE wanted me to do…call it off! Do you know how many people had already bought gifts? Someone even made us a wedding quilt! DO you know I had my dress, flowers, etc…do you know what it is like to disappoint THAT many people? Not to mention this man with whom I had planned out the rest of my life with!! It was SO hard! So hard! And yet, I will NEVER forget the Peace, the peace that passes ALL understanding that I felt when I obeyed the Lord!! When I finally obeyed! Let me tell you: the blessings through that time and that followed, even years later are countless, after the heart ache of course!! And ladies and gentlemen, since that step of faith and obedience over 12 years ago, I can honestly say, with tears of JOY, I wouldn’t change the outcome for the world!! WHY!?? Because my Savior SO loves me and draws me to Himself EVERY day, and His plan is best!! Did it hurt? Absolutely!! Was it hard? Absolutely! But now, I have the choice to live joyfully with where the Lord has me, or I can live bitter, wishing every second that I was married to that man. And, I will say, until the day I die…I choose Christ first!! Even through that pain, I would choose to obey Christ again, than to not be where the Lord wants me. Married or not. My point being, serving and living for Christ first, is worth more than ‘being married’. And by all means, you can still serve and live for the Lord married, but don’t let what you don’t have hinder your serving and living for the Lord! Yes, my nephews ask me why I am not married! Almost every time I see them! My 9 year old sister asks me why I am not married. And you know my answer? It points right back to the Lord. “The Lord hasn’t brought me a man, that as a team, we can continue to build the kingdom. But as I wait, I serve the Lord.” And then of course I jokingly ask them, “Do you know someone for me?!” And they giggle!! And you know what…what an opportunity to be a living example of Christ to these young lives!! To be able to show that living for Christ is better than to settle for the wrong guy! Don’t get me wrong. I want badly to be married! I literally, in my home, imagine what it would be like if I had a husband to cook dinner for. I imagine him coming home from work, planting a kiss on my forehead and asking about my day. I imagine dropping by a special lunch to his place of work, and I even imagine those tiffs we would have over the silly toilet paper roll…and I desire all of that. I want that. And yet this season of singleness is such a blessing to reach out and bless others. And through doing that, the blessings that come my way are immeasurable!! GOD IS SOOOOO GOOD!! EVEN in my singleness. The desire for marriage is there, but I choose to live in JOY as a single, today!
So my suggestion? Whether you take it or not…grow closer the Lord our God. You can’t go wrong getting to know HIM more and more. And HE WILL give you the desires of your heart…because HE will change those desires to line up with HIS, which are the best ones, EVER!! For me, my desire is to please and obey Him, no matter what! I hope and pray that that includes marriage one day, but because my desire is to please Him, that really is an after thought of loving Him, and making Him known!
My challenge: reach out to other singles that might be feeling the same way as you, reach out to the single elderly lady that needs encouragement, reach out and bless those around you. Cause do you want to be known as the ‘single person who is stuck in moping’ or the ‘single person that lives beyond themselves’ serving and living whole heartedly after God? And really when we meet our Savior face to face, it’s NOT going to be a question of: “Did you get married?’ It will be: ‘How did you serve ME?’ (single OR married) This doesn’t take away our hurt or our wants, but it changes our perspective!!
Psalm 62:5 “Find rest, O my soul, in God ALONE; my HOPE comes from Him!”
And, from one single to another, I am praying for YOU!!
Love and prayers,
Beckie

Singleness

The following is a reply to a bloggers comment on an article about singleness.  A gal had sent me a link to the article and the text that went with the link was a huge blessing.  Anyway, after reading the blog, I read the comments, and had to respond to one.  So, below is the comment, and my response.

COMMENT:

As always, there's good stuff here.  But I'm still looking for a bit more hands-on advice.  How do you use your struggle "to push you closer to Him"? How do you "surround yourself with people who hope and believe for the same things you are hoping and believing for" when almost everyone around you is married with kids?  It's a lot easier said than done.

MY RESPONSE:

After reading the blog and comments, your comment stood out to me.  I don't know you, you don't know me, but we obviously share singleness.  I don't have all the answers, but your paragraph really hit home with me, it has so many truths in it!  SO many!  So, I respond to your comment in love and respect!  

First, to answer how do you use your struggle "to push you closer to Him"?  I still have better days than others with this one, but the Lord is pretty cool, in that He knows our hearts better than anyone and knows just how to draw us closer.  It looks different for everyone. I am in my mid thirties, and mentor many younger gals ages 19 through late 20's. The Lord uses these gals in my life in more ways than I can tell you in this comment.  But, what I am trying to say is, if you invest in others, be that living example of what a single person living for the Lord looks like, the Lord draws you closer to Himself.  Let me share an example; this article.  One of the precious gals I mentor sent me the link to this article.  Little did she know that very day, I was discouraged and asking the Lord again, 'why am I still single?'.  She shot me the link and in her text said, 'YOU are this person to me!'  Honestly, tears formed in my eyes the moment I read her text because I knew the LORD was the instigator of this text, and HE knew my heart was needing encouragement at that moment, and used this gal for His purpose!  And in that moment, I knew the Lord was drawing me closer to Him by saying, "My child, I have NOT forgotten about you, and look at how I, the Great I Am, is using you in the lives of others at this stage.  Be encouraged."  And so, in that moment, I drew closer to the Lord, and in my heart said, "Yes Lord, in my singleness today, I will still live for YOU.  Thank You for the reminder!"  For me, part of drawing closer to the Father, is by investing and serving these other singles.

Second, as far as surrounding yourself with people that hope and believe for the same things...that are NOT married? with kids?  They are everywhere...the marrieds with kids and unmarrieds.  One thing I have done is prayed for these people, the singles. Yes, I have prayed the Lord would put these people in my path, that I would be able to connect them to others in the same stage of life as myself.  And when I have prayed that, I can't tell you the number of people the Lord has brought out of the wood work.  People come and go, but it has been a blessing to connect others, to see people looking, desiring, needing fellowship with others in this same phase. (A phase most of us didn't think would last this long) And, to be honest, the Lord has done some pretty funny things. (people getting married out of these fellowships, which causes me to question yet again, why am I still single?!  BUT the Lord reminds me that I have a purpose for HIM, that only I can do, this is beautiful, and if that is connecting people for fellowship and friendships, and marriages develop, than I need to keep doing what the Lord is asking me to do)  Sorry, I digress. Anyway, I continue to reach out to others in this same boat, I mentor those younger than myself, and through the struggles, through the moments of hurt, the longing of a spouse, I will continue to serve the Lord, trusting His greater plan, even when I can't see it and I am frustrated.  For HE knows my heart, and draws me closer to Him in my weaker moments.  

Please don't hear me wrong either, this is not all butterflies and rainbows.  My heart hurts too. But, when I have the chance to encourage someone with what the Lord has done for me, being single in my 30's, I am all over it!  God put believers here to encourage one another, to challenge each other, and to share life together!  I could share more stories of the ups and downs and I love to write so I apologize for the lengthiness of this, but will refrain from sharing more God stories. :)  

So, I will end with this: Be you.  Be the YOU God, the Creator, made YOU to be.  No one else can be who you are, do what you do, see what you see, love like you love.  And through it all, find a way to bring glory to God, in the joyful times and in the sorrowful times!  Today, for me, that means even in my singleness I will try my best to bring glory to the LORD! 

"I will BLESS the LORD at ALL times; HIS praise shall CONTINUALLY be in my mouth!! ... Those who look to HIM are RADIANT, and their faces shall NEVER be ashamed!" Psalm 34:1; 5

Sin is ugly. Life is tough. I want a husband. Blah!

This was actually written on 7/16/2014, but wasn't online until today to post it.

I am frustrated beyond belief! Sin is ugly.  Life is tough.  I want a husband. Blah!

Yet, my heart is broken and humbled before the Lord, AGAIN.  Recently I have struggled with the Lord.  There is scripture that says it is better for man to be married than to burn with  passion.  I am burning.  I want a husband.  I want a godly, God-fearing, one woman, on fire to serve the Lord man!  These are not easy to come by these days.  So then I get frustrated again at God.  WHERE ARE THEY!?  Where are parents like mine that have raised a man to be a MAN!  To be this God-fearing, leader, one woman, serving the kingdom man?  I am tired of these men that play video games all day, of these men that live at home with their parents, or not at home but have their mom still do their laundry, (mom’s: STOP!! It appears to be helpful, but you are enabling them to be LAZY! YES, LAZY!!), these men that say things without realizing the value of their word, that can’t even keep their word, these men that treat every gal ‘special’ and then can’t believe why the girl thought she was ‘special’.  These men that can’t make up their mind, that can’t commit to even a simple event.  A yes or no will work.  We are big girls, and would rather a solid answer than to be strung along, whatever the event/activity.  I don’t care if you are a friend or a boyfriend, let your yes be yes and your no be no.  BE A MAN of your word!  Rather you offend us with kind truth, than to lie and deceive.  If you don’t mean it, don’t say it!  BE all God has asked you to be!!  I could go on, but where my frustration lies is I want, I desire to be married!  (yes, there are a lot of “I’s” in that statement, I am getting there.)  And yet, even if the Lord saw fit for me to get married…WHO?  Who among the men I know are ready for something as serious as marriage, for a, ready for this, the “C” word is coming, COMMITMENT? These men are being coddled, and lazy.  They are getting away with not saying what they mean, or sticking to what they say.   So, when I say this, I look around.  And the men that surround me are fun to hang out with, but to a point!  When a man can’t make a decision and stick to it, even the simple task of ‘hanging out’ becomes daunting.  “They said yes, they agreed, but will they truly show up?”  Those are thoughts going through my head.  When you say yes, the plan includes YOU!  And it sure would be courteous, polite, respectful and descent if you would call and let us know your plans changed. AND to have a legit reason. Not, “I didn’t feel like it”.  If you didn’t feel like it, you should have thought about that BEFORE you ever said yes!  There is nothing wrong with saying, “I will think about it and get back to you”…but then GET back to us!  YES or NO!  Oh, I digress.  Anyway, I don’t see the potentials out there.  I know, and I have faith beyond a shadow of a doubt they are out there, those men of integrity, that stand by what they say, are trustworthy, don’t live at home, know how and do their own laundry and dishes, can make up their mind and go for it, are indeed out there.  And PRAISE the Lord for them!  PRAISE HIM!

So, then, comes the part where I am not God. God is God.  AMEN!  And in the heat of my frustration and anger, the Lord says, “YOU, my child cannot change them.  YOU, my child are called to live FOR Me.  To obey ME.  That means to love these lazy son of a guns, to respect these liars even when that is the least of the things you want to do.  YOU my child, look inward, clean YOUR heart, re-focus those beautiful brown eyes of yours on Me.  You my child do burn and desire to be married…and I am it!  I AM.” 

And so the Lord has shown me in some pretty unique, humbling ways of this.  I happened across a love note from my fiancé of years ago.  And it said, “You know what happened 3,255,326 seconds ago?  I fell in love with you!” It reminded me what being pursued looks like!  It reminded me when a man loves a woman, he will go after her, he will pursue her, and he will woo her. Another example of God’s intense love for me…I was reading a blog, and it shared about an email her husband sent her when she was struggling in her love and acceptance from him.  The email excerpt said: “You are beautiful and I love you.  But that cannot be your confidence.  It must be in the truth of the Gospel which says you are clean and new.  Help her believe this, Lord!”  And this one gave me two reminders.  First it was as if the Lord was saying, You, Becky, are beautiful and I love you!  THAT should be your confidence.  And the second one, was the mere fact that this man pointed his bride to Christ.  AMEN! Away from himself!  THAT is a man I am looking for.   A selfless, God-fearing, servant hearted man! 

I thank the Lord for these examples, the reminders, the heart wringing truths, that I didn’t seek, look for or even knew I needed.  That is the tender hearted Savior right there!  SO, I am still frustrated at the world, the lack of parents raising men to be MEN, the lack of men stepping up and being men, and my lack of patience and faith with my heavenly Father.  Yes, I just said it.  MY lack of patience and faith.  Remember a couple paragraphs ago where it was full of “I’s”? Well, I know I am frustrated at people.  But it is NOT a one way street here.  I am no perfect wife-to-be.  I have work that needs to be done.  As Matt Chandler says:  “Where the gospel of Jesus Christ is fully and faithfully preached…strong, gifted, driven women flourish.  They are drawn to it and they flourish. Nothing has done more for the welfare, the growth, and the flourishing of women in this culture than the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Nothing.”  Whew!  Yes, I have got to get deeper into the gospel of Jesus!  That I would flourish!  Flourish for Christ!

So, this might not have ended as I thought it should or how I want it.  However, the Lord has reminded me, yet AGAIN, to trust Him.  To love people as He loves them.  Put myself aside, and love!  There is no regret in freely loving people without expectation.  I can’t change people, but I can change how I love, and to love unconditionally, letting my God be my Defender, my Comfort, my Judge.  He will take care of how people treat me.  I don’t have to.  So I can live freely!

Thank You Lord for your patience with me!  For Your unconditional love!  May You fill me up to overflowing that I would overflow onto other people.  Help me let go of my desires, my wants, my my my my my…that I would be all for YOU YOU YOU YOU!  Oh how I love you!  I praise You!  To YOU be the glory!  And may I give You the glory due Your name!  I ask this in the powerful, holy, all knowing, all caring name of Jesus Christ, Amen!!!

True Friend

Lord, right now I am beyond frustrated with people.  Oh how I want to throw my hands up, shut everyone out, and be done with them.  It is REALLY interesting to sit back, and to have stopped with Overflo back in March, and I can count on ONE hand how many times I have been invited to something.  Really?!  Yes, I LOVE to put events together, I LOVE to host, I love it!  LOVE!  But, it shows who true, real friends are…because those that are true friends would invite me to join them.  It hurts.  Really?  Am I just used as a gathering place, used as an organizer to put these things together, and a common place to meet with other people?  And when I don’t put it together, am I not worth of inviting?  I don’t want sympathy invites either.  I just want it reciprocated!  Ugh, why?!  And on the flip, cause YOU O, LORD, have the last say every time, whether I agree or not…would be to stop wallowing in this misfortune of other peoples lack of awareness, and rejoice in the fact I am able to use the home the Lord gave me, the gift of hospitality the Lord gave me, the gift of organization the Lord gave me, to join people together, to open the door of opportunities for people to get together.  Ugh.  Yes, I get it Lord, but where’s that ‘true’ friend?  The one that is open in the joyful, happy times, and the one that is just as open when times are tough and rough.  Where is the friend that laughs AND cries with me?  Where is the friend that invites me as much as I invite them?  Oh Lord, I know You fit all of these descriptions beyond my beyond. I am grateful. My expectations should be lowered.  For only You, will NEVER let me down. You always invite me to spend time with You.  You cry when I cry, You laugh when I laugh, You listen all the time.  Lord, You are my everything.  I should be grateful, and continue being what You have asked me to be.  A true friend to others.

Thanks Lord!

Is Dancing a sin?

Recently I was told at a wedding I attended, by a friend in a joking manner, that dancing is a sin. So, I asked this person to show me where in scripture it states dancing is a sin. As we parted ways, I Peter 1:13-16 is the passage they shared with me to look up and read about dancing being a sin. So, below is the scripture and my conclusion of whether dancing is a sin or not.

I Peter 1:13-16

"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.  As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.  But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in ALL you do; for it is written: 'Be holy, because I am holy'.”

So, here we go:

Based on this scripture, it states to prepare your minds for action, be self controlled and as obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.  Here are some definitions to clear the air about what words means:

Prepare: make ready.

Self Control: the ability to control oneself, in particular one's emotions and desires or the expression of them in one's behavior, especially in difficult situations.
Obedient: complying with orders or requests; submissive to another's will.
Evil: profound immorality, wickedness, and depravity.
Desires: a strong feeling of wanting to have/do something or wishing for something to happen.
Ignorance: lack of knowledge or information. No knowing.
Holy: dedicated or consecrated to God or a religious purpose; sacred.
All: the whole of one's possessions, energy, or interest.
Feel free to re-read these definitions when referenced below.

Ready?  Digging in, starting with the beginning of the passage: prepare your minds for action, to be ready to move.  Action isn’t staying in the same place.  It is evaluating and changing.  So, dancing…is it sin?  Well I start with self control, to control oneself, yes.  But that is relevant….as each self-controlled person can look differently. Some people being stricter than others in their self-control yet, there is always room for growth, and others, appearing to be relaxed in their self-control.  So, one could think that controlling oneself in the realm of dancing, could be interpreted as NO dancing.  That right there is self-control.  Just say no.  But, scripture doesn’t directly say NO dancing.  So then one might pick up on “evil desires” and it could be miss-interpreted: dancing is an evil desire, therefore use self-control and don’t dance.  However, it still doesn’t directly say that dancing is evil, or is an evil desire.  So we cross reference into God’s Word deeper, to other scriptures which talk about dancing. 

In the book of I Samuel, it talks about the people dancing when Saul slayed thousands and David slayed tens of thousands.  Ecclesiastes talks about a time to mourn and a time to dance.  Jeremiah specifically states: “Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and OLD as well.  I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.”  In Psalms there are many places that talk about dancing, unto the Lord.  And then, there are the passages where dancing isn’t such a joyful experience: in Mark it speaks of a seductive type of dance a girl did to be tricky.  However, again, on the positive side of dancing, Judges talks of where young women were dancing as a celebration.  And again in 2 Samuel, David danced before the Lord with ALL his might.  And people despised him because of his leaping and dancing before the Lord.  And the case in Luke where there was music and dancing for the lost son whom had returned.  The positive examples of dancing are in some sort of form of celebrating or unto the Lord.  There is a purpose for this dancing, and it is glorifying and honoring.  The negative dancing is seductive, and leads to betrayal.  Not glorifying to the Lord.

As you probably are already aware, there is a mix of types of dancing described in the Word of God.  And I would conclude, based on the variety of scripture that not ALL dancing is a sin, and you look at the heart of the people participating in the dancing, and there is where the issue lies.  Moving back to the I Peter passage, to ‘evil desires’, evil desire is in one’s heart.  It is the motive, the heart of the issue.  What desires does the heart have in the style of dancing one is participating in? Well, it says ‘do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance’.  So, once one comes to know the Lord as their personal Savior, their eyes and hearts have been opened to the Truth, and one should no longer desire the ways of the world, which are evil.  So, the ‘desires’ that were there should change. And to prepare our minds for action, we should be ready to receive this change of the Lord. This takes me to the next point, living for the Lord, called to be holy.

This particular passage ends with “Just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in ALL you do; for it is written; ‘Be holy, because I am holy’.”   Well, that sums it all up.  We have been called to be holy, as HE is holy.  And to be holy in ALL we DO.  (Re-read the meaning of ‘holy’ and ‘all’) this doesn’t leave much room for misinterpreting.  It says to be HOLY in ALL you do.  ALL you do, which would be dancing, working, tattooing, drinking, relationships, etc. Does the activity to which one participates in produce holiness?  Is one holy when dancing?  Which then also opens another can of worms?  Example: attending a baseball game.  Since we are to be holy in ALL we do.  Is attending a baseball game then a sin? Is it helping one to be holy? This could be a legit argument!  Which then I ask, what in the world are we allowed to do, for this world is full of ‘unholy’ activities.  And I am reminded by the part of this I Peter scripture that says, ‘Set your hope FULLY on the grace to be given to you WHEN JESUS CHRIST is REVEALED’.   As Jesus is revealed, grace is given for the desires I succumbed to before He was revealed.  Since He has now been revealed to us, our desires change to be holy, making righteous choices. And when we came to know the Lord, our minds were then being prepared to take action, to be self-controlled in these actions, setting hope on the grace the Lord gives, AS He is revealed.  And as HE is revealed, we are to be obedient children, no longer conforming to the evil desires we had as ignorant people, unaware the Lord had called us to be holy. So now that we are called and know we are to be holy, we can no longer participate in evil desires. So, is baseball an evil desire?  Is baseball evil?  Is dancing evil?  My answer to this would be no.  These ‘things’ are not evil.  It is the desire, the underlying desire which is evil.  Is your desire to attend a baseball game to get hammered?  Is your desire in dancing to seduce someone?  Or is your desire in attending the baseball game, which in itself isn’t evil, to invite someone to get to know them, in order to ultimately point them to Jesus?  That He may get the glory for the action?  Is your desire in dancing to give the Lord glory, because you can’t keep silent about all He is and is doing? The item at hand is NOT the sin.  It is the heart, the desire to do the item which can be the sin. For Matthew5:19 says:  “For out of the heart come evil thoughts-murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.”  Out of the HEART comes the evil.  But then, controversy comes up.  The Lord, has given us free wills, which unfortunately means we will all make different decisions.  It really comes down to the heart of the matter, the desire.  Where is ones heart in their relationship with the Lord?  Are they truly seeking Him?  Desiring to make Him known?  Desiring to be holy, because He has called us to be holy?  If we are, our actions will point to Jesus, and we won’t participate in the things of this world which are borderline ‘evil desires’.  We would flee what looks to be evil.  Desiring to please the Lord should be the goal. Which would conclude, unless ones dancing is unto the Lord, or it is with their spouse, general dancing with other people, is not pleasing to the Lord. And if it is not of the Lord, it would be wrong, which is technically a sin.

So then more questions arise, drinking? Is it a sin?  Scripture says not to get drunk.  So, is one drink wrong?  Well, again, when we are His children, and when our desire should be to please Him, to obey Him, and when He clearly states over and over we are called to be holy, to live holy, to be holy as He is holy, our spirit should so desire to obey, we free ourselves of the questions, we don’t live to push how close we can get before it is ‘technically’ a sin!  As it says in 2 Timothy 2 “Flee the evil DESIRES of youth (before you knew the Lord) and PURSUE (to follow; chase) righteousness, faith, love and peace, ALONG with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart!!” Because of the Holy Spirit living in us, we should desire so strongly to obey and please Him and to live Holy that we don’t even come close to the border of these sins. Instead of pushing the limit, one should strive to to pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace!!

There ya have it.  Where is one’s heart?  Truly following and seeking the Lord?   Then that will define your dancing along with everything you do.

“Let them praise His name with DANCING and make music to HIM with tambourine and harp!” Psalm 149:3